that which i love, i also really suck at

oh man, do i have a lot of work ahead of me.

i had my first group voice lesson on monday. i may have entered fearful yet excited but i sure as hell left scared shitless yet frustrated.

so it started out ok. we sat in a circle and our teacher, the awesome stephanie, had us all introduce ourselves and tell a little about our musical background, why we were there, etc, etc, etc.

-pinay had no musical background/experience (yay!) but did have a karaoke machine at home (uh oh). pinay + karaoke = a lot more experience than you think.
-mild mannered girl had taken the class already
-janis joplin-lite had experience singing with a band and hurt her voice by singing lots of janis joplin songs with no previous training. again, experience.
-nice older white couple (husband & wife) were next. she used to sing in the church choir. he used to play in a band
-so-called stage fright girl can SANG but has stage fright...allegedly.
-me...yeah.
-theatre geek girl studied theatre tech in college. and sang along back stage. she also plays rock band with her friends.
-chick who reminds me of the runaway bride but without the crazy eyes has experience. like lots.
-little man plays multiple instruments and apparently wrote, produced and played on an album.

so, yeah, after intros we had a little warm up. then we learned an easy little blues song called "centerpiece". we all sang it as a group over and over until we learned the words and melody and then we each got a chance to sing a verse into the microphone. since we were all singing together i didn't dwell too much on the part where i messed up. the only mess up in the group. then, the sweat glands started working overdrive when we each had to get up in front of the group and sing the song by ourselves. nice older white husband went first and was OK. since no one volunteered, i went up second. eh, not bad, not great. i may have held at least one note for more than a second. everyone else went and you could tell that each person up was a little better than the last. pinay had some tempo problems but she has a decent voice that will get better with time.

hot messness ensues...

the class is part voice, part performance. for 7 weeks, we'll work on 2-3 songs. at the end of the 7 weeks we will perform 2 songs in a little voice lesson showcase in a public place. i was one of 3 people who brought in the music for a song we wanted to work on. due to some chemical imbalance, i went first. i chose a song that i have loved for more than half my life. a song i practiced for about an hour the night before. this song is part of the soundtrack of my life. it's an r&b classic. a classic that took me 2 notes to step on, burn, pee on, burn again, spit on, then poop on, then i took it to the butcher and had him make sausages out of it.

i won't get into all the hitzness. it was just bad. i might as well have been standing up there naked with boogers hanging out of my nose. i don't think it could have been worse.

as keeks has said, it can only get better. the man is a blithering idiot but he makes sense. it's a class and i'm there to get better, or based on my performance, i'm there to not suck so much. while i'm intimidated by the other students, and my insecurities have risen to orange alert, i don't feel threatened. scared of what's ahead, but not threatened. it's a nurturing environment with an amazingly nice teacher. (who knew germans could be so neat?!?) i also have a really awesome friend in keeks, my musical partner in crime. we conquered the C major scale together and climaxed at 2 madonna concerts. i've been his audience and #1 fan for the mint, rehearsals, or just about anytime he wants to bust out some pentecostal hand waving and wailing while waiting for MUNI. it's his turn now.

most of the pieces i need to become a singer are in place. zen-like patience and hero-like courage will follow.

that which i love, i also fear

as angel plays on pandora, i'm reminded of my childhood and my beloved pink boombox and the fisher-price tape player that preceded it. i spent many an afternoon, in my room, with a pencil in hand, singing and dancing in front of the mirror accompanied by my tape player. i loved those tape players. i think, though, what i loved more was the joy singing along to my favorite song of the moment gave me. as a child, whether or not i was good was never an issue. i sang and danced with the reckless abandon that only a 7 year old could. in my mind, i was just as good as those junior vocalists on star search. it wasn't until i tried out for choir in the 4th grade (and didn't see my name on the list of those who made it) that i began to think otherwise.

as i grew older, and moved from bath to shower, and as my boombox got bigger and upgraded from tape only to tape & CD, my boombox started accompanying me into the bathroom. behind closed doors, with the water running, i was able to sing along to lucero de méxico in the same way i sang along to like a virgin when i was 7. the intimacy of the shower freed me to be the mariachi diva i knew i was meant to be. she never surfaced in my high school days. low self-esteem is a crippling bastard.

in my 20's, sick of lingering self-doubt and the remnant teasing from my college friends, i took a couple of singing lessons. mentally, i don't think i was ready to hear how truly awful i was. so i went back to acting classes. mainly because it didn't hurt so bad when i fucked up, everyone did. my desire to be on stage was fed but, without singing, was never truly satiated.

so, this year, the year in music, i'm learning to play the piano on the advice of the voice teacher i had. in june, i had my first voice lesson of my 30's and in a week i'll have my first group vocal lesson. not really the same as singing like a prayer at the mint and definitely not the same as singing in the shower. i think i'm prepared for the work i have ahead of me, but nevertheless, self-conscience and scared out of my mind.

only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.
-dorothy thompson

try to not play this over and over...

pandora...my salvation

have you guys heard of this dice thing called pandora? it's basically an online customizable music station. it's basically keeping me from taking everyone out at work.

about 3 years ago, before i realized just how important renter's insurance was, my apartment was broken into and my beloved ibook was stolen. not only was my at-home internet access taken, but also a way to add music to my ipod. i made due with making CD's on my brother PC and using my girl, jen's, imac to upload music sporadically. but now jen's computer, and jen, are in spain. i, unfortunately, can't afford a computer yet and, even more unfortunate, don't have any friends that have a mac. plugging into a PC is not an option as there are songs on my ipod that were not saved on a CD. so, my ipod remains at 1,717 songs from 2007 and before...

i had heard about pandora from people at work whose musical tastes i didn't necessarily share, so it didn't register as something i would be interested in. earlier this year, sara mentioned it during one of our gchats. i thought, "she seems neat, i'm bored with the 'that thing you do! soundtrack' that's been on repeat for 2 weeks, i'll give it a try!".

so the first thing you do is create a station by typing in a song title or artist that you like. i let me authentic self decide for me and typed in LISA LISA & CULT JAM. what followed was 6 hours of musical diceness that i had not experienced since the mix tape i made in the summer of 87. lisa lisa, stevie b, shannon, seduction, exposé, trinere. all my childhood memories in one place! i may have shed a tear or two.

from there, my stations grew. bell biv devoe station, 4 minutes station, shakira station, even a hall & oates stations for those easy listening days. the greatest part, when a song comes on that's hitz, you can tell pandora you don't like it and it will NEVER PLAY IT AGAIN! it's like a dictatorship and i'm drunk with power!

pandora has helped me get through my increasingly mind numbing days and has also reminded me that the shit they play on the radio here in the bay area is not representative of what's actually out there. while i don't have the most discriminating taste, i do, as you know, like stuff that is dice. pandora let's me remember the good ol' days of new jack swing and reminisce on the love i have of freestyle. it has also opened my eyes to artists like miguel bose and rbd. how did i live without mi amante bandido?

what i'm trying to get across is that pandora is dice and there's just no other way around it.

OMG! OMG! OMG!

MADONNA'S STICKY & SWEET TOUR WILL BE COMING TO THE OAKLAND COLISEUM ON NOVEMBER 1ST! IT WILL BE BART ACCESSIBLE! IT WILL BE ON A SATURDAY! KEEKS AND I JUST MADE THE CUT OFF FOR PRESALE ELIGIBILITY!

IT'S! JUST! SO! DICE!!!!

MsMonis reviews "hard candy" by madonna

i got madonna's new album today. it's been on repeat on my work computer all day. i think i've ingested enough of it to give my honest opinion.

now, i know you 10(s) of readers out there are wondering how i am able to listen to an album that doesn't get released until april 29th. mind your own damn business, reader(s)! oh and on a totally unrelated topic, thanks peter! you rule!

so, awhile back i got a leaked version of track 8 on the album, beat goes on. like a number of her songs, the lyrics left much to be desired, but the beat was DICE! i was immediately hooked and giddy with anticipation to see what she would follow "confessions" up with. and don't get me started with 4 minutes. i got the version played on air in france and was hooked. i played that shit over and over and over again, and i think i have the french spoken over it memorized. my love of marching band horns knows no bounds!

ok, so i'm happy to report that "hard candy" is 50 mins of pure unadulterated DICENESS! (there's one absolutely HITZ song that reduces the time for pleasure.) i know many people (he who shall remain nameless, KEEKS) were apprehensive of the direction madonna was going with this album. but, luckily, she didn't stray too far from authentic madonna: sassy, funky white girl who loves to spin. she kept it real by producing a fun dance album.

MsMonis' dice list:
she's not me hands down the best song on the album. whistles, claps, disco-y, funky, made me do the electric slide all over my apartment.
heartbeat good dance beat, with a hint of freestyle mixed in. the breakdown is dice and i love the "til my booty get down" part.
beat goes on a completely different version than the leaked one i mentioned earlier. while i love the the other version a tad bit more (stupid lyrics and all) this version does not disappoint. get down, beep beep, gotta get up outta your seat...totally.
4 minutes obviously
miles away yearningly, melancholy lyrics, booty shaking beat. best of both worlds.
spanish lesson oh madonna, your love of latinos makes me forgive your pronunciation of spanish.

MsMonis' hitz list:
give it 2 me i gave it 2 good listens before deciding that this will be the one i skip past. i read that this is a pharrell track too, which is disappointing.
devil wouldn't recognize you while i technically like this song and think it's good, i just can't get past the timbaland stench that infests it. and this is coming from a women who still bumps his first 2 albums on her ipod.

so that's it friend(s). madonna is dice and that's pretty much all there is to it. if you don't think so then the terrorists have won, because someone obviously hates freedom.

MsMonis is not a licensed music critic, but someone who likes things that are dice.

i remember way back when...

i never got a chance to go to KMEL summer jam as a kid. didn't attend any school dances other than freshman homecoming and senior prom. i blame most of that on my parents moving us to benicia...it's a long complicated story, but if you know me you know how that makes sense.

regardless, i still fondly remember that magical time in the late 80's and early 90's when music meant something to me. when you could turn on 'in living color' to learn a cool dance move from the fly girls (pre JLo). when i would record 'yo! mtv raps' after school for my brother to watch when he got home from work. when bell biv devoe rapped about needing a 'body bag' and my 12 year old ass had no idea what they were talking about.

so, when BBD, tony toni tone and keith sweat came to oaktown for the 'ladies night out tour' i quickly sent out a call to the 2 friends in SF that both had a hip-hop-on-an r&b-tip-with-a-pop appeal to them.

the rest is moet.

they don't make music like this anymore

it makes me dance