i'll take the compliment

i received an email from a former co-worker today, a cute older filipino lady who's a cross between my grandma and tweety bird. due to office bullshit she no longer works here but has filled her days since grinding daily in various ballroom dance classes and world travel.

anyways, she asked about my acting and mentioned that she thought of me the other day when she went to the sisterhood of the traveling pants 2 because i remind her of america...which only reaffirms my belief that i should have been cast as her older sister in real women have curves and not the gordita from stand and deliver.

that which i love, i also really suck at

oh man, do i have a lot of work ahead of me.

i had my first group voice lesson on monday. i may have entered fearful yet excited but i sure as hell left scared shitless yet frustrated.

so it started out ok. we sat in a circle and our teacher, the awesome stephanie, had us all introduce ourselves and tell a little about our musical background, why we were there, etc, etc, etc.

-pinay had no musical background/experience (yay!) but did have a karaoke machine at home (uh oh). pinay + karaoke = a lot more experience than you think.
-mild mannered girl had taken the class already
-janis joplin-lite had experience singing with a band and hurt her voice by singing lots of janis joplin songs with no previous training. again, experience.
-nice older white couple (husband & wife) were next. she used to sing in the church choir. he used to play in a band
-so-called stage fright girl can SANG but has stage fright...allegedly.
-me...yeah.
-theatre geek girl studied theatre tech in college. and sang along back stage. she also plays rock band with her friends.
-chick who reminds me of the runaway bride but without the crazy eyes has experience. like lots.
-little man plays multiple instruments and apparently wrote, produced and played on an album.

so, yeah, after intros we had a little warm up. then we learned an easy little blues song called "centerpiece". we all sang it as a group over and over until we learned the words and melody and then we each got a chance to sing a verse into the microphone. since we were all singing together i didn't dwell too much on the part where i messed up. the only mess up in the group. then, the sweat glands started working overdrive when we each had to get up in front of the group and sing the song by ourselves. nice older white husband went first and was OK. since no one volunteered, i went up second. eh, not bad, not great. i may have held at least one note for more than a second. everyone else went and you could tell that each person up was a little better than the last. pinay had some tempo problems but she has a decent voice that will get better with time.

hot messness ensues...

the class is part voice, part performance. for 7 weeks, we'll work on 2-3 songs. at the end of the 7 weeks we will perform 2 songs in a little voice lesson showcase in a public place. i was one of 3 people who brought in the music for a song we wanted to work on. due to some chemical imbalance, i went first. i chose a song that i have loved for more than half my life. a song i practiced for about an hour the night before. this song is part of the soundtrack of my life. it's an r&b classic. a classic that took me 2 notes to step on, burn, pee on, burn again, spit on, then poop on, then i took it to the butcher and had him make sausages out of it.

i won't get into all the hitzness. it was just bad. i might as well have been standing up there naked with boogers hanging out of my nose. i don't think it could have been worse.

as keeks has said, it can only get better. the man is a blithering idiot but he makes sense. it's a class and i'm there to get better, or based on my performance, i'm there to not suck so much. while i'm intimidated by the other students, and my insecurities have risen to orange alert, i don't feel threatened. scared of what's ahead, but not threatened. it's a nurturing environment with an amazingly nice teacher. (who knew germans could be so neat?!?) i also have a really awesome friend in keeks, my musical partner in crime. we conquered the C major scale together and climaxed at 2 madonna concerts. i've been his audience and #1 fan for the mint, rehearsals, or just about anytime he wants to bust out some pentecostal hand waving and wailing while waiting for MUNI. it's his turn now.

most of the pieces i need to become a singer are in place. zen-like patience and hero-like courage will follow.

i'm as happy as a little girl

here i go again...my, my...how can i resist ya?

q.e.p.d. eloy chavez trujillo

q.e.p.d.
Originally uploaded by MsMonis

i have few memories of my tio eloy. two of the most prominent are of him driving and me telling him where to go. it's weird the things you remember as a kid. the most lucid was in san francisco after 4th of july fireworks at crissy field. we were lost in the avenues and i, ever the smart ass, helpfully kept telling him we lived on 26th STREET, not avenue. the other, more blurry was in mexico city, trying to keep up with my dad, but falling behind due to traffic. it was night, and i remember a well lit tunnel and his dark shadow in the driver's seat.

i was at my grandparents house in mexico for vacation the summer he got sick. one night, i woke up in the middle of the night crying. i didn't know why and couldn't explain it to my grandparents. according to my grandma, i said i was sad and felt like crying. the next day, my mom called with the news that my uncle had passed.

i may not have many memories of him; i don't remember his voice or how he walked. i don't remember the last time i saw him. i do, though, still remember the sense of loss and the sadness i felt then and whenever i wonder where life would have taken him had he been given more time.

i'm getting this on a t-shirt

cause in life, all we need is a witness.
-sara

that which i love, i also fear

as angel plays on pandora, i'm reminded of my childhood and my beloved pink boombox and the fisher-price tape player that preceded it. i spent many an afternoon, in my room, with a pencil in hand, singing and dancing in front of the mirror accompanied by my tape player. i loved those tape players. i think, though, what i loved more was the joy singing along to my favorite song of the moment gave me. as a child, whether or not i was good was never an issue. i sang and danced with the reckless abandon that only a 7 year old could. in my mind, i was just as good as those junior vocalists on star search. it wasn't until i tried out for choir in the 4th grade (and didn't see my name on the list of those who made it) that i began to think otherwise.

as i grew older, and moved from bath to shower, and as my boombox got bigger and upgraded from tape only to tape & CD, my boombox started accompanying me into the bathroom. behind closed doors, with the water running, i was able to sing along to lucero de méxico in the same way i sang along to like a virgin when i was 7. the intimacy of the shower freed me to be the mariachi diva i knew i was meant to be. she never surfaced in my high school days. low self-esteem is a crippling bastard.

in my 20's, sick of lingering self-doubt and the remnant teasing from my college friends, i took a couple of singing lessons. mentally, i don't think i was ready to hear how truly awful i was. so i went back to acting classes. mainly because it didn't hurt so bad when i fucked up, everyone did. my desire to be on stage was fed but, without singing, was never truly satiated.

so, this year, the year in music, i'm learning to play the piano on the advice of the voice teacher i had. in june, i had my first voice lesson of my 30's and in a week i'll have my first group vocal lesson. not really the same as singing like a prayer at the mint and definitely not the same as singing in the shower. i think i'm prepared for the work i have ahead of me, but nevertheless, self-conscience and scared out of my mind.

only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.
-dorothy thompson

as heard in the office

"the weather is so unpredictable. i never know what to wear when i walk [my dog]. one morning i put on a heavy turtleneck and fleece vest and i was too warm and the next morning i put on a lighter turtleneck and thinner fleece vest and it was too cold."

am i the only person who finds this hysterical?

thanks, but no thanks

while on vacation i got a call for an interview for a job i really, really, really, really wanted. i got denied today. what really sucks is that i've been giving my boss the cold shoulder for some time now and we recently had a conversation about why. so after telling her she sucked i was hoping to shove my resignation letter in her face this week.

looks like the secret doesn't really work after all.

out of sight, out of mind

man, it's been too long. i wish i could say that i was whisked away from my dull life by my principe azul, shia "stud muffin" labeouf, and we were so busy gettin it on that i couldn't get to a computer. i mean, i could say that, but that would be an untruth. i may lie to you, but i would never say an untruth.

july is vacation month and this year i spent it in san diego, at comic-con 2008. yes friends, this year i wore my inner nerd like a cape, flying heroically in the breeze. my brothers and i had been planning this trip since i bought the 4-day passes last november. yup, i bought the tickets 8 months in advance.

i'm not into comics or manga or collectibles. so why would i go? let me count the ways...
1 - i bought and viewed all three extended editions of "lord of the rings" upon release and watched every special feature included in the 4 discs.
2 - i love mystery science theater 3000. we bought the VHS tape of the movie and watched it obsessively. it's currently playing on HBO. in the past month, i've watched it 4 times. to quote the movie, "whoopty shit".
3 - the clerks cartoon is possibly the funniest cartoon ever created. kevin smith is a god.
4 - the day after a new episode of "lost", i spend the good part of the day online reading recaps, forums and theories. this usually entails having lostpedia up all day.

so that's just an abridged list. i left off my love of "the simpsons", "family guy" and "star wars", because really, who doesn't love that stuff. am i right? anyways, while comic-con had miles of comic book vendors for my bros, it also offered many a delicious panel, ripe with humor and occasional hot guys. the lines were long and, often times, slow, but we were able to get in to most panels.

panels worth mentioning

family guy - thanks to a hilarious clip we all left knowing that, in fact, the bird IS the word.
entertainment weekly's visionary panel - kevin smith, judd apatow and microphones. heaven.
mystery science theater 20 year reunion - comedy gods.
lost - held in the biggest hall at the convention center (6,500 seats), i waited in line for an hour and a half. i finally got in and seated half way through the panel. just in time to see matthew fox. he sucks, but that's kinda cool anyways.

semi-worth mentioning is the simpsons panel, if only for the clip. come on, you can't have a panel and not have any of the voice actors. that's just wrong.

panels nerdier people who waited longer got to see that i/we didn't

bones - i love this show...and david boreanaz's sweet ass.
the ghost whisperer - my bi-montly visits to my parents house start with a little JLove and her hecka cute outfits. followed by whatever novela is on at 9pm.
smallville/supernatural - this one really hurt my brother, tito. these are his favorite shows, and about hundreds of other people's too. they stopped letting people in at one point and he just waited. broke my heart. no joke.

so that, plus a trip to sea world where a crazy asshole seagull jumped on our table and ate my hamburger, was my vacation.