as heard in the office

"the weather is so unpredictable. i never know what to wear when i walk [my dog]. one morning i put on a heavy turtleneck and fleece vest and i was too warm and the next morning i put on a lighter turtleneck and thinner fleece vest and it was too cold."

am i the only person who finds this hysterical?

change location, change attitude

so, in august, i will celebrate my 3 year anniversary at my present job. i'm hoping to not reach that milestone.

i've been rather indifferent about this job since the beginning. i walked out of the interview thinking "man, that bitch is irritating as fuck!", referring to my current boss. i can read people like a book. it's a gift. i should have listened to that feeling, but the allure of more skrilla and not being somewhere i hated was just too tempting. so the newness of it all faded quickly. after a full academic year, i had learned most of what i needed to know and just coasted by. my boss grew more and more irritating. (how many fucking times do i have to hear about the camping trips you take with your dog?) i spent more and more time online and the monotony grew into indifference.

within the last 6 months, that indifference turned into all out rage so i actively started looking for a job. on thursday, i turned in my application for what, on paper, seems like a perfect job. i got a call today. i have an interview on monday.

right before i dropped off my application i called my mom. she just finished reading "the secret" by rhonda byrne and i asked her to use her new found powers to hook a sista up. SECRET!

i hate people.

that's nothing new. all my friends know this. it's who i am. it's how i see the world. if you think that's sad then suck it! i probably hate you already anyway.

my boss has developed an obsessive habit of cutting her fingernails at her desk. it's a daily thing. i really don't know how long her nails, or anyones for that matter, grow on a daily basis, but everyday i hear "snip, snip, snip, snip". everyday in between shopping for new furniture or checking camping sites online and telling everyone that calls her how overwhelmed and busy she is, she's cutting her GD fingernails in her messy, dusty ass office. EVERYDAY. AT HER DESK. i understand that it's a basic grooming activity. everyone does it. but it's one of those things that should be kept strictly in the bathroom, or at least at home. are you really that busy when you get home at night that you can't wait? why do you even have nail clippers at work? the last thing i want is to walk into your office while your clipping away and have a piece of nail hit me in the eye. from the way you leave shit around the office without putty it away, i sincerely doubt you make the effort to make sure all the scraps end up in the garbage. my disgust of you knows no bounds.