MsMonis reviews "hard candy" by madonna

i got madonna's new album today. it's been on repeat on my work computer all day. i think i've ingested enough of it to give my honest opinion.

now, i know you 10(s) of readers out there are wondering how i am able to listen to an album that doesn't get released until april 29th. mind your own damn business, reader(s)! oh and on a totally unrelated topic, thanks peter! you rule!

so, awhile back i got a leaked version of track 8 on the album, beat goes on. like a number of her songs, the lyrics left much to be desired, but the beat was DICE! i was immediately hooked and giddy with anticipation to see what she would follow "confessions" up with. and don't get me started with 4 minutes. i got the version played on air in france and was hooked. i played that shit over and over and over again, and i think i have the french spoken over it memorized. my love of marching band horns knows no bounds!

ok, so i'm happy to report that "hard candy" is 50 mins of pure unadulterated DICENESS! (there's one absolutely HITZ song that reduces the time for pleasure.) i know many people (he who shall remain nameless, KEEKS) were apprehensive of the direction madonna was going with this album. but, luckily, she didn't stray too far from authentic madonna: sassy, funky white girl who loves to spin. she kept it real by producing a fun dance album.

MsMonis' dice list:
she's not me hands down the best song on the album. whistles, claps, disco-y, funky, made me do the electric slide all over my apartment.
heartbeat good dance beat, with a hint of freestyle mixed in. the breakdown is dice and i love the "til my booty get down" part.
beat goes on a completely different version than the leaked one i mentioned earlier. while i love the the other version a tad bit more (stupid lyrics and all) this version does not disappoint. get down, beep beep, gotta get up outta your seat...totally.
4 minutes obviously
miles away yearningly, melancholy lyrics, booty shaking beat. best of both worlds.
spanish lesson oh madonna, your love of latinos makes me forgive your pronunciation of spanish.

MsMonis' hitz list:
give it 2 me i gave it 2 good listens before deciding that this will be the one i skip past. i read that this is a pharrell track too, which is disappointing.
devil wouldn't recognize you while i technically like this song and think it's good, i just can't get past the timbaland stench that infests it. and this is coming from a women who still bumps his first 2 albums on her ipod.

so that's it friend(s). madonna is dice and that's pretty much all there is to it. if you don't think so then the terrorists have won, because someone obviously hates freedom.

MsMonis is not a licensed music critic, but someone who likes things that are dice.

what's cal-koo-lus?

i am woman, hear me roar

nothing can get your panties in a wad more than hearing your own grandfather say the words "no woman is going to tell me..." in a sentence.

luckily, all i inherited from him was big earlobes.