that which i love, i also really suck at

oh man, do i have a lot of work ahead of me.

i had my first group voice lesson on monday. i may have entered fearful yet excited but i sure as hell left scared shitless yet frustrated.

so it started out ok. we sat in a circle and our teacher, the awesome stephanie, had us all introduce ourselves and tell a little about our musical background, why we were there, etc, etc, etc.

-pinay had no musical background/experience (yay!) but did have a karaoke machine at home (uh oh). pinay + karaoke = a lot more experience than you think.
-mild mannered girl had taken the class already
-janis joplin-lite had experience singing with a band and hurt her voice by singing lots of janis joplin songs with no previous training. again, experience.
-nice older white couple (husband & wife) were next. she used to sing in the church choir. he used to play in a band
-so-called stage fright girl can SANG but has stage fright...allegedly.
-me...yeah.
-theatre geek girl studied theatre tech in college. and sang along back stage. she also plays rock band with her friends.
-chick who reminds me of the runaway bride but without the crazy eyes has experience. like lots.
-little man plays multiple instruments and apparently wrote, produced and played on an album.

so, yeah, after intros we had a little warm up. then we learned an easy little blues song called "centerpiece". we all sang it as a group over and over until we learned the words and melody and then we each got a chance to sing a verse into the microphone. since we were all singing together i didn't dwell too much on the part where i messed up. the only mess up in the group. then, the sweat glands started working overdrive when we each had to get up in front of the group and sing the song by ourselves. nice older white husband went first and was OK. since no one volunteered, i went up second. eh, not bad, not great. i may have held at least one note for more than a second. everyone else went and you could tell that each person up was a little better than the last. pinay had some tempo problems but she has a decent voice that will get better with time.

hot messness ensues...

the class is part voice, part performance. for 7 weeks, we'll work on 2-3 songs. at the end of the 7 weeks we will perform 2 songs in a little voice lesson showcase in a public place. i was one of 3 people who brought in the music for a song we wanted to work on. due to some chemical imbalance, i went first. i chose a song that i have loved for more than half my life. a song i practiced for about an hour the night before. this song is part of the soundtrack of my life. it's an r&b classic. a classic that took me 2 notes to step on, burn, pee on, burn again, spit on, then poop on, then i took it to the butcher and had him make sausages out of it.

i won't get into all the hitzness. it was just bad. i might as well have been standing up there naked with boogers hanging out of my nose. i don't think it could have been worse.

as keeks has said, it can only get better. the man is a blithering idiot but he makes sense. it's a class and i'm there to get better, or based on my performance, i'm there to not suck so much. while i'm intimidated by the other students, and my insecurities have risen to orange alert, i don't feel threatened. scared of what's ahead, but not threatened. it's a nurturing environment with an amazingly nice teacher. (who knew germans could be so neat?!?) i also have a really awesome friend in keeks, my musical partner in crime. we conquered the C major scale together and climaxed at 2 madonna concerts. i've been his audience and #1 fan for the mint, rehearsals, or just about anytime he wants to bust out some pentecostal hand waving and wailing while waiting for MUNI. it's his turn now.

most of the pieces i need to become a singer are in place. zen-like patience and hero-like courage will follow.